


All American Baby

by HeckBerries (Clockwork85)



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Baby Showers, F/M, Fluff, Healthy Relationships, Humor, M/M, Married Couple, Morning Sickness, Mpreg, Non team specific, Pregnancy, SO MUCH FLUFF, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, dad!spy, everything is mostly good, small snippets of other ships, stepdad!spy, the robot war didn't happen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-30
Updated: 2019-07-09
Packaged: 2020-05-30 22:20:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19412563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clockwork85/pseuds/HeckBerries
Summary: Soldier and Merasmus have made the decision to have a child. Soldier's body is much more equipped for doing the deed.  Magic is used. Lots of domestic antics ensue.Tl;dr- Soldier is pregnant and Merasmus is doing his best.A collection of oneshots about various scenarios and happenings during this special time in their life, and a bit afterwards with their daughter. Contains hints of other ships, but mostly Soldier/Merasmus





	1. Moments Later

**Author's Note:**

> ah man, my first posted tf2 fic! I'm new to writing them but i'm hoping that I did it alright! I had this in my head for so long and you know what? Fuck it i'm writing it.

“What now?” Soldier asked, not getting a response right away. He needed an answer.  
“Merasmus!” He shouted, the wizard lightly jumping, once again focusing on his partner. He closed the book he had picked up post-coitus and placed it on the nightstand, rolling onto his side, elbow to the mattress.  
“Yes, Jane?”  
“What now?!” Soldier asked once more, arms crossed to his chest, laying next to to Merasmus. The helmet was already back on his head, obscuring his eyes from easy viewing, but a clear, antsy expression was visible without any doubt. The normal observer would most likely interpret his behavior as having a bad day, or simply being snappy, but Merasmus was not the normal observer.

"Jane, we just had sex." He reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder, getting a huffed grunt in response.  
"We won't know if you are pregnant for a few weeks. The spells I prepared beforehand will give us a ninety percent chance of it working, but it takes time." He explained, just as he had done before they made love to one another.  
Soldier huffed, he knew that, but what if it didn't work? What if it won't work!? Patience was for war, planning a flank, knowing when to ambush, not baby making!  
"I know! I'm just... We prepared enough, right?" He mumbled, thinking over all of the preparations they took.

They did a **LOT**. Hired a deep cleaner for the house- it needed it anyways, being an ancient lair. They raccoon proofed the entries (soldier was reluctant to leave Lt.Bites outside) and agreed on feeding them far away from the backdoor. Cleared out a room to be a future nursery and purged all questionable and non child friendly potions and concoctions from the home.

Soldier's memorabilia and weapons have their own room (which looked like an american history display once complete) and Merasmus sectioned his magical inventory to the basement to reduce the risk of a child accidentally touching something that they shouldn't. The once musty, questionably organized shady looking spooky hilltop lair appeared quite normal, aside from the obvious placement and architecture.

"We did more than enough. There's nothing more that we can do right now but be patient. Though..." Merasmus trailed off, he knew Jane was nervous, a little bit antsy and excited. He didn't want him to be in a state of stress, knowing Jane, he needed order and stability. He had stepped far out of his comfort zone by agreeing to purge the raccoons that he loved so dearly, Merasmus KNEW that he was torn up about it but pushed forward. He wanted this baby, and without the furry rascals to focus on, he needed something to keep him grounded.  
"Though what? Did we miss something? Do we-"  
"Goodness Jane, no, calm yourself! I was going to suggest that we keep track of how you feel over the next while. It could very well be helpful for... doctors, yes, doctors later on!" He pulled that one out of his ass, but it was a good suggestion- in his eyes at least.

"Sure, sure, sounds good." Soldier huffed, cuddling up against Merasmus, the wizard responding accordingly and wrapped his arms protectively around his lover, pulling Jane's head into his bare chest. Surprisingly, Jane was the little spoon in the relationship. After spending so much time on the battlefield, he had to admit that knowing that he was under the protection of someone else was comforting. They switched up from time to time, but Soldier had a tendency to grip too tightly in his sleep or roll over onto Merasmus's limbs. It got annoying, so being able to contain him in a snuggle helped remedy the situation.

  
"Rest well, Jane."  
"Good night, Merasmus."

  
A few weeks passed without incident, Soldier had taken the task of recording his daily activity and anything out of the ordinary. The two had fallen into a comfortable pattern once again, mutually hoping the time would pass faster. On the third week after their attempted conception, Merasmus was roused from his seat in the living room by a loud, startled shout from Soldier a few rooms away. He jumped up, it didn't sound like a casual shout, and Jane could get loud.

**"MERASMUS!"**

It was the loudest yell he had heard from his partner in quite a while, so he exhaled in relief when he nearly collided with him, running out of the bathroom.

There was a giddy smile on his face, like an overjoyed child. He had a bounce to his posture and by all indications, was happy. Extremely happy. He started jabbering excitedly before Merasmus could say a word.  
"Look! Look at it! Do you see that?! You better be seeing this!" He shoved a pregnancy test straight in Merasmus's face. The wizard sputtered, not yet registering what was currently taking place. It was all happening so suddenly and fast, for the love of- wait.  
He saw the two bars, looked at the instructions next to the bars and it clicked. He must have gotten impatient and bought a test without telling him. _It was positive._

_Jane was pregnant. With his baby. Their baby._

"Oh, Jane! I knew it would work! This is wonderful! Merasmus is going to be a father!" He was smiling so hard his face hurt, harder than he think he had ever smiled before. He wasn't sure that his magic would work, to be completely honest, he was nervous, wondering if they would get good results despite the odds. Soldier pulled him into a terribly tight hug, Merasmus letting out a yelp when he thought his bones might snap.  
"Jane! Careful!" He scowled, being released promptly.  
"You could strain yourself, or break my bones!" Merasmus coughed, slightly winded from excitement.  
"Sorry Merasmus! I'm just so happy, you beautiful bastard, we did it! We really did it! We are having a baby!" He held the wizard's shoulders, letting out a happy sigh as his lover pressed a hand against his flat belly. They stood quietly, looking back at one another, taking in the moment and calming down a bit.

"I love you, Merasmus." Soldier sniffled, feeling more than a bit overwhelmed. The wizard placed a kiss against his forehead, rubbing his shoulder comfortingly.  
"Merasmus is glad we decided to be roommates. I love you too, Jane."


	2. Routine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The two lovers fall into a routine, and then it's broken by the little one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah man, here's another! It's mostly description heavy so i'm sorry about that ahhh! Thanks for the support so far. If you guys want to see anything in specific please let me know/drop a comment and i'd probably love to write it out! I love these two <3

Pure bliss was the best way to describe the atmosphere inside their home after they had gotten the good news they were expecting- since now they were, in fact, expecting. Was there plenty of fear and confusion to go with it? Absolutely, but the current situation had them over the moon. The next week and a half was heaven.

They would wake up next to one another, bodies feeling fuzzy with comfort at every early sunrise. They would watch tv in bed and rock-paper-scissors over who would pick the program, Soldier would almost always chose one of those crime or border control documentaries and Merasmus would range from a stupid romcom to a blatantly fake paranormal show that he would tear to shreds. Jane would wrap and arm around Merasmus and lean his head against his chest while they avoided getting on with their day. Tv time was the usual startup, they had to get some in before doing anything else. It was a bit of an addiction.

Eventually, the two would crawl out of bed and dress themselves cooperatively. Soldier would point out which evil cloak would look good on Merasmus that day, and Merasmus would make sure that nothing was more than two days worn. Admittedly, they had both agreed that Soldier would have to learn to do some of the laundry once the baby came, by the least check to see that what he was wearing had been washed recently. Before, he didn't really care and the wizard wouldn't mind too much unless things started to stink, but as it generally did, a baby created many changes in routine.

Breakfast was one of the biggest changes, though. Neither knew how to cook all that well, something that had dawned on Merasmus at random and he went into a flustered panic about how he couldn't feed their child (unborn and born) canned and pre-packaged junk constantly, it would be bad for their health! Jane's argued that he survived solely on canned foods on the front lines and once survived on nothing but two cans of over salted tuna for three days while preforming the most "patriotic enemy flank" that he had ever accomplished! Merasmus could only sigh and while it took some convincing, Soldier couldn't disagree that being pregnant and being in a war zone where the chance to stop for a drink of clean water when parched was very different. He also had to agree that a developing fetus would most likely not do well on a canned diet.

Due to all the diet concerns, Merasmus had been taking his time to attempt to get into the basics of cooking. He could brew any type of potion or poison from memory, but taste mattered when consuming a meal, not when you were downing a liquid meant to harm or help, or summon unholy abominations. A pot of spaghetti was not supposed to summon abominations, nor look like it could. After multiple failed attempts, some progress was made and a few simple meals could be prepared without Merasmus telling Soldier to stay on the other side of the living room in case something might blow up. Soldier had also tried to start learning, but that was limited to making sure the pot didn't boil over or that the salad was well mixed enough to taste good. They BOTH agreed that he would not, and should not be handling the knives and stove. Toaster? Sure, but he had to watch the timer to make sure it didn't shock him when the toast shot out. It wasn't his fault it sounded like a gun being cocked or stepping on a landmine! To be fair, it was less disastrous than letting the Bombinomicon in the kitchen. That was a massive no-no.

Anyways, breakfast. Either leftovers from the last cooking attempt if it went well, or some cereal, toast, jam, perhaps an over-fried egg and some yogurt (if Merasmus had remembered it was for both of them) was the go-to morning setup. They would sit together to eat now, either on the couch or at the table and talk about the day before, what was on the news or how Jane was feeling and their general excitement about the baby. After that, the day was usually quite simple. Merasmus would brood about his magic, Soldier would sit around and read the papers then toss some leftovers to the raccoons to let them know he still loved them. (it still pained him to leave them out, but they were good troopers and were doing well!) Sometimes they would sit outside, but generally it was total relaxation. They would eat lunch, dinner, and then head to sleep, have a bit of sex if they wanted to, and then repeat. Once again, the Bombinomicon would do it's own thing and pester them as always, but after feeling the wrath of a hormonal Soldier, it calmed down a bit on the wording he used.

However, once again, when you add a baby to the equation, things change. Such as the routine they thought they were going to have. Today, Jane was up at four in the morning heaving into the toilet in a cold sweat with Merasmus by his side. The morning sickness came at different times for everyone, and it had given them time to be overjoyed and live in peace, but now the normal symptoms were starting to set in.

"I am not enjoying this anymore! Why four in the morning! Why couldn't-" His drowsy curses were cut off by another wave of heaving and bile, replaced by an angry groan as he supported himself against the bowl. "I hate this." He mumbled weakly, knowing that this was supposed to happen. Merasmus was quietly by his side, knowing that the wrong wording would make him snap back and put him in an angry state so he kept to comforting him and rubbing his back soothingly.

"I know, I know... Merasmus read that it is not usually something that happens through the whole pregnancy, so this 'morning sickness' should not be permanent..." He informed Jane carefully, satisfied when his lover moved himself away from the dreaded porcelain throne and leaned into him. Merasmus rubbed his shoulders soothingly, feeling Soldier's body relax and ease back into a calmer state. It was quiet for a good minute as Jane took the time to recover from the icky feelings that had roused him out of bed far too early.

"Would you like some water?" Merasmus asked, getting a groggy nod in response. Without getting up and instead opting to use magic, he moved a plastic cup over the sink, turned it on, filled the cup and turned it back off, then hovered it over to Soldier's grasp. A simple action for someone like himself, but his all american lover still found it enchanting every time.

"Thanks." He grumbled, taking a few good sips before going bottoms up and finishing it off at a fast pace, getting a stronger pat on the back from Merasmus. He looked to be bouncing back already.

"It's remarkable how they already have so muh influence over your body, aren't they strong?" He placed a hand over the small but developing curve of Jane's belly, swelling with pride. "I would not be able to handle this." He hummed, Soldier perking up at the admission of his physical superiority. Yeah, he was right. He survived wars! He threw himself into the air with a rocket launcher on the daily, he could handle a bit of barf!

"You are right! I can handle this just fine!" Soldier got up in a dash, surprising Merasmus at his rebound, who quickly joined him in standing up in the bathroom.

"As I expected." Merasmus boasted to no one in particular, perhaps himself, or to the baby, or to the raccoons in the backyard that couldn't hear what they were saying. He could probably tell the Bombinomicon about it later. "So..." He started, but was promptly cut off by the spunky militant

"Back to bed, maggot!" He ordered playfully all while marching out of the bathroom, back to his strong self as if he had woken up at a good fresh hour and slept the whole night. Yes, this was the man that Merasmus knew was going to be just fine. The two made their way back to bed, sleeping like rocks within minutes.

Two hours later, Soldier woke up and was throwing up all over again. He was equally cranky, but the second time was always better than the first time. Same with the third time. Oh, and the fourth.


End file.
